RPGMemes

I guess I'll keep it going. Moses means "to pull out from the water," so he wouldn't have been "Moses" while placing him in the basket.

Also, why would the daughter of the dude supposedly killing all of the slave babies be like, "I'm gonna name this baby using the slaves' language."

It's a pretty metal legend. Solomon was a boss.

Dude, you completely left out Abraham. Which is wild given that Judaism, Christianity, and Islam are all referred to as Abrahamic faiths. While Abraham was descended from Adam and Eve, it is far more accurate to say Israelites trace their heritage back to Abraham. This is because it is Abraham that makes the first covenant pact with God.

Abraham gives birth to two sons. At first, Abraham's wife is barren, so to have a kid they all agree Abraham knock up his servant. This gives birth to Ishmael. Fourteen years later, Abraham's wiife finally manages to miraculously conceive, and Isaac is born. And there's this whole deal where god puts Abraham to the test and tells Abraham he has to sacrifice Isaac to him. And both of them go along with it only for God to go, "Nevermind, guys, it was a test. But since you've pleased me by being so faithful, I'll grant you a powerful line through Isaac (Israel)," and God then sends them a ram to sacrifice instead.

Isaac gives birth to two sons, Esau and Jacob, twins, but Esau was born first. Technically, God's blessing is his by birthright. Isaac favors Esau, Isaac's wife favors Jacob. Jacob gains the birthright twice over. Once because Esau returns to camp, hungry as hell one day and just casually trades his birthright to Jacob in return for some lentil stew. Second, when Isaac is pretty much on his death bed, and blind, Isaac's wife and Jacob trick Isaac into blessing Jacob instead of Esau. Initially, Esau is pissed and Jacob flees. But he eventually comes back and reconciles with his brother and wrestles God (I'm not kidding.) Then his name gets changed from Jacob to Israel. Dude marries two wives, one of which is his sister, and gives birth to twelve sons, which become the twelve tribes of Israel. There's also a daughter, but this is a patriarchal religion so women don't matter. This is basically where the Jew as Jews start.

Now, rewinding back a bit, remember that Ishmael guy, born of the servant Abraham knocked up? Yeah, so he and the servant got sent away. But God also promises this servant and Ishmael that Ishmael too, will give birth to a great nation, and that he will have 12 sons himself that will become princes. And it is Islam, specifically, the prophet Muhammed, who traces their roots back to Ishmael. That's how fucking old the whole Jew/Muslim conflict is.

And then there's Christianity, which is when some Jew named Jesus was born the son of Virgin Mary and went on to preach love and kindness and got himself sacrificed in a story which really illustrates, once you remove the falsehoods of heaven, hell, and God, that humanity is so crooked they'll basically kill a man for being too good while praising and pardoning a criminal (Barabbas. He and Christ both get the chance to be pardoned by the people, but they can only choose one. Barabbas is chosen, and Christ gets crucified.) But also yes, as you said, Jesus totally favored the Jews, and did the whole thing with comparing the woman to a dog versus the childeren he was meant to lead (Israelites.)

Makes sense, especially when you consider that John the Baptist was an Apocalyptic Jew who played a foundational role in The Christ's contemporary education.

Their god was a local god, which like all the people's gods everywhere had a creation myth for their people. Of course the other people weren't included. If they wanted a creation or a god, they could just come up with their own. Lazy cunts.