Not saying you're wrong in a practical sense, but carrying practical sense into an allegorical story from a culture and time not your own is, if not folly, at least ill-advised.
I mean, I feel like making Jesus a samurai is as authentic to history as making him a blond white dude.
Also, wandering the countryside, helping out the peasants and tweaking the nose of the establishment, gathering a crew of like-minded friends/followers, and culminating in an act of self-sacrifice which results in the protagonist's willing death? I can easily see how someone could imagine, "what if Jesus, but ronin?".
Shit. Im gonna end up buying one or both of these at some point...
There is a convenience store I stop at which has a self help / religious book rack. On it, there is a copy of "The Action Bible", and, given it's cover, I assume this is the DMG for OPs campaign.
I'm sure, prepared correctly, it's lovely, but liver and favs beans sounds like a Fancy Feast variety.
I don't know if Frank is involving others in his fetishes without their consent (not cool), or trying to make a snack of Detective Bones (also not cool). Either way, get it together, Frank.
FATAL, now roll an anal circumference saving throw.
What happens after dawn? 
They don't make Ballnostrillian mask, I worked with what I had access to.
Agreed. It's why I have all of Kobold Press's supplemental monster books. Variety is the spice of life, and I'm constantly trying to find ways to make combat more engaging than just slugging it out with my players. Quirky stat blocks help me come up with scenarios.
Thanks for context. It was giving me Ugly Americans vibes, but I knew that wasn't correct.