Transfem

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A community for transfeminine people and experiences.

This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.

Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.

This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.

Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.

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founded 2 years ago
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I've been on HRT for about 4.5 years now, and I still don't really feel any better, I'm still very depressed and dystphoric. I know I dont put a ton of effort in, but when I for help cultivating an aesthetic, people tell me to go on tiktok, or just Google it, I suffer a lot as a result cause due to my ADHD I just can't pay attention or I dont do anything and I just keep suffering, I've honestly considered just ending it since my dysphoria has been strong and consistent my entire life. I'm just tired, I want help but I just feel alone in this journey since I can't just google it, or look it up on tiktok. I feel like I'm a hopeless person and I'm honestly annoying to the trans community and huge part of transphobia

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I'm doing this for the first time, took a hot shower before.

And it hurts LIKE HELL.

I have a Braun Silk epil 7. So yeah if you have any tips on how to make this hurt less do tell.

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I’m interested in that feeling of relief some of us get after taking our estradiol dose. I experience it as intense relief that washes over me and bathes me in joy. My color perception dramatically improves at the same time, it’s a very sudden shift.

I seem to only experience it when my blood levels are too low and the new dose enters the blood. With Divigel it’s after 30 minutes have passed, in my case, but only if me levels are low.

Some questions I have:

  • If I don’t feel the relief, am I overdosed?
  • If I do feel the relief, am I underdosed?
  • Why do I and some feel the relief, while others have never felt it?

I don’t expect anyone to know the definitive answers, but maybe you can share your experience? I’m really interested in learning what this is all about.

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I got a butt-butt-butt? I got a butt-butt-butt.

I gotta butt-butt butt-butt butt-butt-butt

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So as some of you probably seen, I finally started HRT and I am absolutely loving it. I am doing some higher doses for the beginning to get my levels up fast (5mg every 3 days for 3 injections and then 5mg every 7 days) and I am starting to feel the first emotional changes happening. I am feeling my inner girl without drugs for the first time in my life. I have never experienced this level of joy and happiness before. The level of Euphoria just looking at my beautiful nails gives me is insane. Im also currently at the edge of crying just from listening to some music. It feels absolutely fantastic. I did knew roughly what HRT would bring me emotionally, but not even in my wildest dreams could I have Imagined this level of Euphoria and happiness. Theres no realy way to put this into words without repeating myself a million times.

Anyway, I wish all of you girlies a wonderfull day and for all of my sisters out there struggling with dysphoria and waiting for HRT: Stay strong, it gets better 💖🫂

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submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by Pirky@lemmy.world to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
 
 

For context: I'm visiting my parents for Thanksgiving and my mom has this stack of books in the spare room. I just noticed its perfect placement and wanted to share.

Edit: I also got my prescription for E renewed today. So I'm happy about that.

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I am someone who's dysphoria is best described as biochemical. Today I was falling down an Internet rabbit hole and landed on the use of androgenic anabolic steroids in athletes. Decided to check if there was research done on female athletes.

Behold: the symptoms of biochemical dysphoria in cisgender women! Turns out lady brains don't appreciate testosterone. I'm pretty sure reading that a couple of decades ago would have sent my life in a very different direction.

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I am finally able to feel like a real girl an not just a boy in girl clothes. It also requires me geing alone, so I dont speak and doesnt get braought back to reality by voice dysphoria. Im also connecting much more consistent, when being stoned.....

Im hoping for this to happen more often since im now on HRT.

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My Syringes came in via mail today and so I did my first injection right away. Since Im doing Monotherapy I started with 5mg to see where it leads me. This was also the first time injecting myself with anything. It was kinda scary, but next time it will be way easier.

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Turns out, rising times of ever-escalating fascism is profoundly bad for queers who dress to stand out.

Things got a bit muted, a bit sadder, a bit more somber.

A friend of mine says, “you look like an android trying her hardest to escape Detroit,” and I don’t think she’s wrong; and good god, what a fucking parallel to now-times.

I couldn’t dress normal even if I tried.

I made a selfie post here like a year ago, so I hope it’s okay to make another one. A few of you were amazed at my outfits and such, and told me to never change, to keep standing out.

Sorry my look changed, but it helps keep me safer.

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Voice Dysphoria is fucking annoying. I absolutely hate, to become more or less Dysphoria the moment I speak to much, or listen to closely to my voice. Voice training itself is annoying as hell (I Am about to start, so wish me luck I can push through), but it gets even worse to have to listen to closely to your voice, which again induces dysphoria . Probably my second least wanted Dysphoria, right after intense Bottom dysphoria where I once literally wanted to Rio that disgusting thing off.

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In this 2009 study, 50 trans women with penile-inversion vaginoplasties had their microbiome sampled and it was revealed that nearly all of them had a microflora similar to bacterial vaginosis in natal vaginas, making them more likely to have UTIs and resulting in malodorous discharge.

Bacterial vaginosis (BV), for those not familiar, is when a wide variety of diverse microbes grow in the vagina. A healthy natal vagina typically has a monoculture of Lactobacillus spp. which grow and excrete lactic acid, which acidifies the environment and prevents other microbes from being able to grow. When lactobacilli are unable to form a monoculture, the microbiome can diversify and problematic bacteria are able to grow, which can cause irritation, urinary tract infections (UTIs), and unpleasant odors.

Typical advice for a person with a natal vagina is to avoid douching and to allow the vagina to "self clean" - basically the vagina already creates the conditions that promote lactobacilli dominance, and in bad cases of BV, a course of antibiotics usually will clear it up.

The way this works in a natal vagina is that the cervix and the special kind of skin that lines the vagina both secrete glycogen (think of it as a kind of sugar) that feed the lactobacilli, and the estrogen also triggers the vaginal lining to acidify the environment, helping create conditions ideal for lactobacilli to grow in.

Unlike in a natal vagina, neo-vaginas are lined with scrotal skin or colon grafts, neither of which respond to estrogen the same way that natal vaginal skin lining does, and there is no cervix - so there is nothing that produces glycogen to feed the bacteria. There is also no regular production of mucus like the cervix creates which acts to regularly flush or clean-out the vagina, and the skin used to line the neo-vagina does not regularly cast off and replace itself like natal vaginal skin does.

So as you might imagine, my surgical team told me that I would never have a normal vaginal microbiome, and that for the rest of my life I will have to douche with vinegar every other day.

I continue to follow those instructions (I douche with a 1:1 solution of vinegar and water, every other day), especially because I still have bleeding and healing wounds from wound separation complications that happened (basically the dilator regularly rips the skin back open every time I dilate, and I don't want those wounds to become infected).

Meanwhile, I've began to explore ways to improve my microbiome.

First step: acidify.

Lactobacilli don't generally grow without a supportive, acidic environment to kill off other bacteria. Vinegar is great because it's acidic, but acetic acid (which is what vinegar is made up of) apparently doesn't help lactobacilli to grow, what they need is lactic acid.

My first attempt to help my microbiome was to find a lubricant that would have lactic acid and promote lactobacilli growth, and I found one!

Before I share what I found, I want to be clear this isn't an advertisement and I'm not suggesting you buy this product. In fact, by the end, I'll share why you shouldn't buy it.

But the only lubricant I found that has lactic acid and promotes a healthy microbiome is from Good Clean Love, they have several products but any of the water-based lubricants or the "moisturizing gel" product would work (avoid all silicone lubes).

OK, great - so I found a way to acidify my vagina!

Except, when I tested my discharge even when just using Good Clean Love's lube, I consistently had a pH of around 5.0, which is too basic ... Additionally, the cost of the lube was too much for how much I needed to use to dilate - it's not a workable solution financially.

So I thought I could make my own! Turns out, you can buy medical and food grade lactic acid online. My pump bottles of Slippery Stuff lube would inevitably have some leftovers that I collected in jars and awkwardly tried to use up, so I already had a "waste" source of base lube to test with.

Next step: feed.

So I could acidify the environment, but it didn't seem like it was promoting lactobacilli enough, and I put together that the Good Clean Lube didn't have any kind of fuel for the lactobacilli to eat, basically nothing was replacing the glycogen that the cervix was releasing in natal vaginas (and that makes sense, the makers of Good Clean Lube probably assume their customers are using the lube with a natal vagina providing its own glycogen, so for a natal vagina acidifying was probably sufficient).

So I did a little research on what kinds of fuel lactobacilli can eat, and I kept finding that FOS (fructooligosaccharide) powder is used as a prebiotic to promote lactobacilli growth. So for my first batch, I combined Slippery Stuff lube with 1% lactic acid (by weight) and 1% FOS powder, and started using it as a lubricant when dilating, and using a lube syringe to insert some of the stuff into my vagina on the nights I wasn't douching. And again, I found my pH wasn't dropping, still tested around 5.0.

For context, FOS is a carbohydrate - and it turns out lactobacilli can sort of feed on it it through anaerobic fermentation, but ... that is usually happening in the digestive tract, not in the vaginal canal (FOS powder is a common prebiotic ingredient in oral probiotic pills, and is used similarly to inulin prebiotics) - and, it's not clear it promotes the kind of metabolism and growth the way glycogen does.

So I wondered what would make a better substitute for glycogen? Well, duh - glucose, sugar. But how much sugar should be added to the lube, it would need to be the right amount so it doesn't promote the wrong bacteria or, god forbid, fungi.

So it turns out sugar has about the same caloric value per gram as glycogen, so I reasoned a 1:1 substitute would be sufficient, and samples of genital fluids of natal vaginas show that glycogen made up 3% of the fluid, so that's a good starting place.

Another problem I ran into was the way the lactic acid turned my Slippery Stuff base lubricant from a stretchy lube gel into a very runny liquid, basically unusable as a lubricant and even worse, it would run out of me when I tried to insert it to feed lactobacilli in the canal overnight - I needed something like a gel that would stay in place and be able to feed the lactobacilli overnight. I noticed Good Clean Love uses agar agar and aloe in their water-based lubricants, so I tried the same.

For my second batch, I used 3% powdered sugar, 1% lactic acid, 0.5% agar agar powder, and 0.5% FOS (just in case it might still be helpful), and this time I had to boil the solution and allow it to set into a gel.

The 0.5% was maybe too firm of a gel, but I was able to break it up enough to suck it into a lube syringe and deposit it into the canal with the syringe.

For clarity, both batches with 1% lactic acid tested around a pH of 3.0.

Once a month or so, I had been inserting a vaginal suppository which contains lactobacilli, and once I had my second batch, on a night between douching, I inserting the vaginal suppository, and then deposited some of my second batch gel.

The next morning, eureka - my discharge tested at a pH of 4.0, and smelled heavenly - sweet and sour, a little bit like a kind of yogurt or sourdough.

I think it worked, I found a way to promote lactobacilli in my vagina!

Next steps: once healed and infecting wounds is no longer a concern, I can figure out how frequently I would need to feed the lactobacilli so they remain dominant (every other day? twice a week?), and also how to occasionally douche without nuking the microbiome, perhaps with a lactic acid solution rather than a vinegar solution?

(It would also be nice to eventually find a more objective way to test my microbiome than just pH and smell; unfortunately the study that examined the microbiome of trans women used methods like gene sequencing, though I might be able to try their method of gram staining and then examining under a 1000x microscope. I'm not sure if swabs being cultured on agar dishes would be a reasonable method of examining the microbiome, but that's at least within the realm of possibility compared to gene sequencing.)

Douching would still be necessary because as mentioned there is no "self-cleaning" process happening naturally, old lube and stuff will collect without occasionally irrigating the canal.

But at least I have a decent lead on how to avoid BV!

Disclaimer: Just to be clear, I'm doing weird stuff and taking risks I wouldn't recommend others take - none of this is medical advice, I have no medical training, and probably a lot of this is very stupid and potentially risky.

I wanted to share in case anyone else found it interesting (or better, if they know more than me and can provide critique), and in case others have been tinkering with their microbiome as well and may have notes.

EDIT: It should also be noted that a study published in 2014 found 75% of 63 trans women they swabbed were found to have lactobacilli in their microbiome, and their microbiomes were comparable to those of postmenopausal cis women.

Also, the Good Clean Love vaginal suppository I linked to contains pseudo-science homeopathic ingredients which is cause for some concern, and I would like a better vaginal suppository that just has the bacteria and none of the homeopathic ingredients.

And it should also be mentioned that I also take a daily, oral probiotic called Soaking Wet (I chose that one because it has Lactobacillus crispatus in particular). My surgical team indicated taking these oral probiotics will not help with my vaginal microbiome (likely for the reasons above on why my vaginal microbiome will never be like a natal one), but they did recommend Align probiotics in particular to help recover from surgery (you take a lot of antibiotics in the first few weeks post-op, so they recommended switching to Align probiotics once I was finished with my antibiotics) - that was for my gut microbiome, not for the vaginal microbiome. Needless to say, I haven't noticed any dramatic improvement from taking the Soaking Wet probiotic - though it does also contain vitamin D, vitamin E, and zinc, which is probably helpful for some people.

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Im fucking scared (feddit.org)
submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by cows_are_underrated@feddit.org to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
 
 

This is more of a venting post, so be prepared.

My situation is the following. I come from a small village, but mainly live in a bigger town for university. This means, that I have 2 social circles that have no connection with each other. In the town I live I have outed myself against almost any person I have regular contact with, and live my day to day life as a woman (even tho I boymode about 100% of the time due to me not having that much girl clothes (shit is expensive)). Even if I dont live at my home village I do still have somewhat regular contact with the people there (I am active in the mucis club and in the fishing club), however, I have not done a single coming out in that village. The reason for this is, that the village is known for being quite a shithole in terms of spawning rumours about quite literally anything. Since I want to minimise this I want to do my coming out to the majority of people I interact with all at the same time. This way they all know the same, they all know the truth and I dont have the problem, that rumours spread faster than I can do my coming out and people start to ask unpleasant questions and therefore force me to do my coming out. Since the fishing club is quite inactive I am mainly talking about the musics club in the rest of this post.

Now whats the best time/place to do your coming out with a big group so that all of them at the same time. My first thought was that I just do it on one of the regular rehearsals of the musics club. This plan has two giant flaws. The first one is, that I am absolutely terrible at speaking up in a conversation to announce that I am trans (tried that several times, always chickened out). While this might be managable the second flaw isnt. Not all people that are part of the club are present at all rehearsals. So this would again cause, that only a small group would know what I said directly and get the chance to ask questions. So I dumped that plan and instantly realised, that theres a single day per year, where all (or almost all) people of the club are present in a single room, in a setting that is a bit more formal, where everyone who wants to say something gets the chance to do this: The general assembly, that every club in germany has to do once a year. It consists of multiple standard points that have to be done (basically requirements by the law) and one last point called miscellanelous. Under this point Everyone who has Ideas, that should be discussed, or who wants to make an announcement like me, gets the chance to do so, while everyone is listening.

This years general assembly happens next week on Saturday. This is my chance to complete my coming out. In theory I could also wait another year, but this massively conflicts with my other plans. If I would go with official HRT I would have to wait one year, so this would be on track with waiting another year, but I dont want to live two lives for another year and I am planning on doing DIY HRT (blood work is on the way and already ordered my hormones) and while only visiting once a month at max theres no way I can hide the process for one whole year. So basically this is my only chance if I want to escape the unpleasant questions.

Now you might be asking what this title has to do with all of this. Well, today there was an event from that club where I was present. Since I was lazy and had in mind, that I am doing my coming out next week I still had my nails painted (but only one hand) in a quite beautiful, but relatively neutral, dark blue. The amounts of jokes I had to hear about my nails was in fact quite concerning. If something this simple like a little bit of paint on one of the smallest parts of my body sparks such a big wave of jokes, what the hell is gonna happen if I really do my coming out. I kind of dont want to be forced to leave this club behind me, just because they are not accepting. Even just thinking about this sends a shiver down my spine. One thing is safe. Even if I dont really like alcohol, it will be 100% necessary for me to not chicken out. Good thing I dont drink that much, so if I am chugging down 3-4 beers until my time is coming I should feel it quite a bit and should be able to make use of the increased bravery it provides so I am not chickening out. This is probably the scariest thing I have done in my entire life.......

Edit; One thing I should add is, that the people in said village tend to be much more on the conservative side of the political spectrum.

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Currently the amount of Dysphoria I have is relatively low and while this sounds kinda nice it makes transitioning more difficult. I know that I am trans, but due to having little Dysphoria I dont always have recent "evidence" of being trans (I know for sure I am trans, but Dysphoria is kind of like the most obvious sign of being trans), it always feels like I am "faking" it. I know how bad my Dysphoria has been, I do sometimes have minor to medium levels of Dysphoria, I have one hell of a backlog (even written down), but since all of this happened quite some time ago, it feels like it was just a phase (which it isnt).

The main problem this causes is, that actually transitioning now gets extra hard, because this current state of not having to do that much is relatively comfortable. I know that I want to transition, but especially when thinking about doing DIY it becomes extra scary, because in the hypothetical case, that I am not trans doing HRT has long term consequences. And since my Dysphoria is so small it is not enough of an incentive to rush through transition and actually do something.

So basically, my mind is annoying and makes me think that I am not trans, due to lack of Dysphoria.

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Got my balls destroyed today (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
 
 

Good fucking riddance.

I am also very happy to no longer need spiro. I AM SO TIRED OF PISSING.

The procedure went well and they said I recovered really well from the anesthesia. I wasn't groggy or anything and I could drink the water they gave me just fine right after waking up.

The best way I can describe what the pain feels like right now is when you need to piss like really crazy bad. (I don't actually have to piss though.)

I was going to write a bit more but I'm tired so imma just go to sleep now. (Also my autocorrect just tried to change sleep to localhost:8080 wtf)

Update: A lot of my pain is gone this morning and I feel a lot better. I found that putting ice on it helped a lot. Didn't really need much of the pain meds they gave me. Ibuprofen and acetaminophen are good enough.

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My partner is concerned that I'm going to suddenly start being attracted to men once I start on the trans-mission fluid. Apparently she keeps reading Reddit posts about people who's sexual orientation changes after they start hormones. How common is this? I can't personally think of a word in which I would be attracted to men. Honestly it kinda crosses me out. I did go through a period where I decided to see if I was bisexual and slept with a couple of dudes, but I found the experience really off-putting. Have any of you ladies experienced a switch in sexual orientation? If so, from what to what?

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I'm currently in the process of obtaining the two different mental health referrals my insurance asks for before they will cover my orchiectomy. My doctor set me up with a therapist who can be my first referral, and she's great; very kind, and understanding of my situation. I am getting antsy though.

At the start of our first session, she asked what my goal in seeing her was, to which I responded politely but bluntly, "I just need a referral for my insurance to get bottom surgery." She took that graciously, I think. We have now completed two sessions of therapy and I am wondering how many are necessary for her to just give the referral already...

The plan is to ask her in our next session how long before she can give the referral. I haven't been given an expectation from her so far, which is a little concerning. I don't want to just get roped into paying for extra sessions.

I had (naively?) hoped back in October that I could start the process and get surgery scheduled for January at the latest, but since I'm still working on the first of two referrals, that seems unlikely.

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It took a few tries to figure out a good technique, but I'm reasonably happy with how they turned out. They look OK from a distance, anyway.

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/34247713

Hello everyone, I hope you’re all doing okay. I am reporting again because the situation here is still really hard. The landlord who had earlier threatened to throw us out hasn’t come back since he left. We’re honestly still living in fear that when he returns, he might chase us away. We don’t know what will happen and that fear alone keeps us restless. Right now we also don’t have any food left, it’s really painful that I can’t even use the small money we have for something to eat because it’s meant for rent.

Being a refugee in South Sudan is honestly the hardest thing that we have no access to most basic needs because we’re visible transgenders. This makes it hard for us to seek help or safety because every is always watching us and many be questioning us if we are Male or female. We can’t go back to the camp since the government chased us out and now the camp itself is being targeted by nationals who believe we shouldn’t be there at all

We’ve been struggling since day one and you’ve been our only support and last hope. I know it’s overwhelming to see another post asking for help especially with everything happening in the world but we are just desperate right now.

So far, we’ve managed to raise $267 out of $950, meaning we still need $683 to clear rent and secure our shelter. Please consider helping us through the link in the Profile/Bio

Please if you can help or share it will mean so much to us. You’ve always been our hope when things get too heavy and we’re truly grateful for that. CyaraKaira

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Question re: speed of HRT (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
 
 

So far HRT is going very well, I'm generally much happier.

tho I'm wondering a few things for my femmaxxing :3

  • How do I train 'curves'? What's the best routine? I know getting weight in the first few months may help, but what about exercise? Do these help with getting more 'meat' on my butt, hips, and breasts? If so, what kind of exercises should I do?
  • What kind of food to eat would help best?
  • Is a growth from 75B to 80C in 7 months slow or quick?
  • Any things I could do to appear more fem? I already wear high-waisted jeans, and I wear a bra. I prefer a generally 'neutral' ish fashion (neither very skirty nor motorjacketty), kinda tomboyish, though I'm fine with other options also.
  • I take a more femme walk (the hrt unironically helps me with that) nowadays as well. Behaviour ideas, maybe?
  • fill in whatever tips, i'm happy to answer questions!

and also, shork obligatory haj

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It captures the interaction femininity and non-binarity have within myself so well. The right figure is femininity or female identity within myself holding up non-binarity and helping it stand as it is more easily defined and less complex to describe. The left figure changes texture and materials a lot and is hard to describe and grasp and really caputures how hard it is for me to grasp my own idea of non-binarity. And I like that they're hugging and interacting because that's what I feel like as well.

I saw it in the exhibition "Queere Moderne" at Kunststammlung NRW. Here's more info about the artwork on their website: https://sammlung.kunstsammlung.de/en/works/3507

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I spent years under a strong depression when I was in High School, I didn't take care of my appearance and that made people think I was a lesbian for some reason.

Now I'm in uni and living my best life.

I feel confident again and I get compliments on the street everyday.

I'm still very prone to depression but it isn't as strong as before, at least enough so I can take care of myself.

There was a period where I took care of my physical appearance but not my health which really affected me specially because it made people think I was fine at that point. But they were very serious issues.

I'm healthy and happy like when I was 13 and I can only regret that I allowed bullying to take that away from me.

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See title. How do I even cope with never being able to get pregnant? I mourn the fact that I never even once had the opportunity to get pregnant, to feel life in me developing, and all that. Of all things, this gives me the greatest dysphoria. I want to have wider hips and larger boobs, and even though I'm 28 (so hip widening likely won't happen... maybe surgery?) and I'm 7 months on HRT, I feel like it's not satisfactory yet. It has made me so much happier and I feel much more liberated having HRT, but even before I knew trans was a thing, even early on, I still had the desire to eventually be able to get pregnant.

I don't care that it's a lot of morning sickness, feeling miserable and extremely tired, heavy, and all that - I experienced long illness before. But having someone at the end of it, feeling the baby kick... I heavily miss that I cannot experience that. I'm happy for those who can, but I wish I could, and I want to actively fight for it. Even if I die or suffer horribly, then at least I will have contributed to further understanding so that people may one time experience it.

To that child whom I will likely not have the luck of carrying -- may life find you when it calls you. I love you with all my heart and I wish I were able to see you. If I ever do succeed in that, then I swear solemnly to thank the world for its bounty and gifts; and regardless I will support all who struggle through life.

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