One of my biggest fears is being on testosterone again. I don't think I would make it if that happened :3
Similar thoughts have been crossing my mind ever since learning that the spate of dysphoria and anxiety I've experienced over the last couple of months was due to a rapid and prolonged return to male level testosterone. An outcome that my endocrinologist initially made me feel foolish for thinking was likely, as she sent me away with a new HRT regimen that she would later admit she never considered likely to be effective. This experience has radicalised me. My endocrinologist is not my friend or my ally; she's my puppet. She writes the scripts and the referrals I need, while I dictate the appropriate course of treatment. I cannot afford an orchiectomy, but if a DIY option came up... I'd consider it.