No but I did think about it. I decided that my balls are better off in the garbage because I hate them so much.
Lumelore
joined 2 years ago
All the cool girls hang out in the Tomcat server
Same. Sometimes I simply just think about the fact that I am a woman and it makes me feel so happy. I still have occasional dysphoric days but they've been getting less frequent the further along I get.
That reminds me of when I was graduating college a few months ago and it was my first time on campus since I did all my classes online. We had a rehearsal in this theater building and I didn't know where to go so I followed this group of women I saw. Turned out they were just heading for the restroom but one of them held the door open for me and internally I was like "eeeeeee yay! They see me as a woman!" Didn't have to go to the bathroom though so I kinda just walked in and then walked right out lol.
One thing I remember is gaining muscle after working out for a few months and feeling this really confusing sadness when I noticed that my shoulders got broader. I was so confused as to why so many guys liked being muscular but it just made me really depressed instead. Took me a while to realize that that strange feeling was actually gender dysphoria.
My advice is to take steps as you feel comfortable to do so; there isn't any wrong path. We all transition in different ways and really what is important is that you are happy.
If you want to take e, but also want to boymode until you're ready to be publicly out, be aware that you may need a binder depending on how much breast growth you get. I myself tried to boymode my first few months on e and failed because my boobs got too big and people noticed.
Also congrats on cracking your egg!
I remember your voice from last time and you definitely sound more feminine! Although I still hear a bit of dopeyness. Your voice is like a feminine Winnie the Pooh. (Actually, I think I might have said that last time, but you do sound notably more feminine this time!)
Feel free to roast my voice if you'd like: https://youtu.be/p2hA1QkZRJM
Also, make sure you keep practicing. I stopped because I'm pretty much happy with my voice but I slowly slipped part way back to my old voice. Once I realized that, it was pretty easy to get back where I was fortunately.
I could write a lot about this but I'm going to keep it on the short side.
When my dysphoria was at the worst every day felt more and more hopeless. I woke up wishing I could go back to sleep which was the only time I had some happiness. Living felt like trudging through thick disgusting sludge and as time went on the sludge got thicker. I think I would have succumbed to it if I didn't get HRT when I did.
I also sometimes also have this vision where my deadname has wings and a horde of them is swarming me like ravenous monstrous bats while I'm standing there trying to shield myself and swat them away. Often times when I think of dysphoria, that and the sludge is what comes to mind.
Fear is common, change is scary, and you are not alone. In my experience, the first few weeks after realizing that you're trans feel the most scary. I had the same fears about 'what is my family going to think?' I'm a young'un so, I don't have a spouse and children like you do, but I know that coming out to family is scary, and that it might be hard at first, but if they love you they will likely come around eventually, some people just need time to process. Although I have no experience with coming out to a partner, I do wish you the best of luck and I hope it works out well for you!
When I started HRT I was at around 270 pounds (122.5 kg) but I exercised a bunch and got down to 220 pounds (100 kg) which I've been stuck at for almost a year now. Despite losing all that weight in my first few months of taking HRT, I still had a lot of breast growth. I didn't really restrict myself calorically, although I didn't eat excessively either, so my calorie deficit came primarily from exercise, so it is possible to lose weight without inhibiting breast growth. Your genetics are also going to be a factor as well, some people just don't get much breast growth, but that doesn't mean they are any less valid!
22
What has your experience with HRT been like? I think mine might have been abnormally fast but I'm not sure.
(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
So I'm wondering if I might have klinefelter's (XXY chromosomes) or if I'm just very receptive to estrogen because the effects of HRT happened to me way faster than I've heard other people say it happened to them.
I've seen charts like these and I am a bit dubious of them because my timeline doesn't match up at all.
I don't know if my experience is actually normal or not, but when I started estrogen about a little over a year ago, it only took a few days for me to notice my skin being softer, and then literally the next day I woke up with breast buds and about 2 to 3 weeks later I had noticeable breasts that were big enough that it was difficult for me to boymode at work. I'm pretty sure I got to Tanner stage 3 in like half the time that's expected.
From what I've heard from others is that they didn't get breast buds until at least 3 months in and that made me question why mine happened so quickly.
I've also always been pathetically weak and it's also always been difficult for me to gain muscle. Which makes me think I had low testosterone even before I started spiro. I remember when I had my 3 month follow up, my t was at 89 ng/dL and I remember my doctor commenting that that was lower than he expected, although I have zero idea if that is actually lower than normal for 3 months on 100mg spiro.
I'm curious if any of you also experienced a similar timeline to me, or if your timeline fits the charts that I've seen. I know my timeline is quite fast and that it might be hard to believe (idk if my experience is normal or not), but I swear it is my genuine experience with HRT.
As of a few days ago, I am now 1 year on HRT! I typically don't like posting pictures of myself, but I also wanted to make a transition timeline and share my progress, so here it is lol.
Estrogen is amazing. I finally feel like my body is mine and something that I need and want to take care of. Sometimes, I randomly think about my gender and being a woman and it makes me so happy, but overall I don't really think about my gender as frequently as I used to years ago.
I also started progesterone last month and luckily I am one of the people that respond well to it. My overall mood has significantly improved since I started it, and it also helps me sleep a lot better. I am now waking up early in the morning feeling energized which is something I have not experienced in a very long time lol.
I've also been working on my voice as well. I did make a post here about 6 months ago where I asked for feedback on my voice (which was really breathy and did not sound good). I think I have improved quite a bit since then. I'd really appreciate your feedback on it if you would like to critique it.
My voice training progress (youtube link)
Was looking through an old hard drive today and I found some old pictures of me from before I transitioned. I only have a few of them because I didn't like taking pictures of myself back then (hmm, I wonder why? /s). I thought about deleting them because I don't like how I looked back then, but in a weird way they also made me happy. I think it is because they serve as a reminder as to how far I have come in the four years since I realized that I am trans. Comparing them with current pictures of myself, it is very obvious that I am much happier now.
I also found some old picrews that I made of myself shorty after I realized that I am trans. These made me really happy for multiple reasons. One is that they brought back a lot of memories. The other is helped me figure something out. I've been trying to figure out exactly when I had the realization and the best I had beforehand was sometime in late 2019, but those pictures are dated October 28th which makes them the earliest evidence of me being trans that I have. I made like thirty of them but here are two of them that I like.
Past me would be so happy to know that I actually look like this now:
This is an image that I think I used to come out to a few people. It's hard to see, but I decided to add some estradiol to my mouth:
Anyways, I just felt like sharing. I'm curious if anyone else also used picrew at first to explore their gender. Also if you have any transition related stories you feel like sharing, I'd love to read those too.
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Thanks for the advice. It was just an orchi. I did piss like a horse when I got home but idk if they had a catheter in or not.