lwhjp

Good for you!

I've been having more and more moments as well where I just stop and think, "this is awesome".

What you describe is really familiar! I felt pretty much the same way starting out.

To begin with, my transition goals were "I want a more feminine body (specifically breasts)"; that was it. If it turned out I passed as a woman and people called me "she/her" that would be fine, but I'd probably stick with my old name and social role. Probably wasn't going to get bottom surgery or anything. I'd just be a dude who looks like a lady, to coin a phrase. Whatever nebulous essence of femininity cis women had, I didn't understand, and I didn't have it. I was just me.

What happened next though is I got on HRT, the body issues started to get resolved, and I realized that I wasn't actually OK with being seen or referred to as a man. So I changed my name, with a kind of "yeah, I know it's weird to have a girl's name, but that's what the documents say, so if you wouldn't mind..." approach. And I started presenting more and more traditionally feminine so that other people (and myself) would see me as a woman without prompting. I still felt that I was kind of faking it; I wasn't a "real" woman, just pretending to be one. (Oh, and I realized I really did want bottom surgery after all)

But now I've accepted that everyone is "just me", and I have just as much right to call myself a woman as anybody else. I choose to believe that deciding to be a woman is exactly what it means to be one! That's not to say that other viewpoints are necessarily wrong, but it's the only interpretation that makes sense to me now.

So I think what I wanted to say is: I think how you are feeling is pretty normal actually, and it's possible your feelings will change as you get more comfortable with yourself. But it's cool if they don't.

i feel like the changes on HRT at 36 would be limited

Fortunately, that's not the case at all! For example I started at 40.

Being enby is perfectly fine of course, but in case you're feeling like you'll "never pass" and trying to console yourself, know that HRT is scarily effective.

Nothing to add, really, other than that I felt the same starting out. That changed pretty quickly though as I stopped feeling like I was illegitimately appropriating womanhood.

Hi, I was also born in the UK in the 80s, but I don't live there any more. Did you read any Enid Blyton growing up? I always liked George (Georgina) from the Famous Five books. Perhaps shortening it to Gina instead would work for you.

How did I choose my name? Er, my wife suggested it and I thought "yup, that'll do" :3 There aren't a huge number of names that work in both English and Japanese.

Is not liking androgynous people something your wife has actually told you about her sexuality? Because all the bi people I've heard have represented it as liking both "same and different" rather than "binary men and women". It can, as you say, take time to adjust, though.

Also note that HRT can be more like an exponential dropoff: it can take years to get the full effects, but a HUGE amount will happen in the first six months or so.

hypothetical medication that would harm me if the doctor thought I was a cis man and didn’t out myself

Not that I'm accusing you of anything, but this is a hypothetical that I hear a lot from transphobes (ie, "would you take the medication only for "biological" men / women despite being a trans woman / man? If so, ha ha! You admit to being your AGAB really. If not, ha ha! You die).

Other than questions of what anatomy is physically present, I've never heard of (and sincerely doubt the existence of) any case where birth sex is relevant.

Sounds like you figured it out already! I suggest you go live as the person you want to be and pay no mind to any potential haters. Good luck <3

PS HRT is indeed awesome

Thank you! It seems almost everyone is blind to their own progress :3

Hehe tenk u <3

Thank you!