Eldritch Mlems

So, I Am a little over 3 months on E (4mg EEN) and yesterday I saw my boss for a meeting after quite some time (havent really seen him for like 4-6 weeks) and this man straight up sees me and is like "Wow, youre growing boobs". I mean, yeah I Am, but I was not aware, that they are this obvious.

However, for now I have no fear that I can no longer boymode, since I wore a relatively thin (but really cool) pullover through which you can in fact see my boobs. If I wear a hoodie, you can't see anything.

That was definitely quite an affirming and funny interaction.

I'm not gonna lie, I've been depressed and hopeless for the past year, not because I feel I have nothing to live for, but because I do. I'm finally a real fucking person for the first time in my life, and I'm living through a nightmare world I somewhat expected. None of this really surprised me. I knew our future would be a horrific decline for my entire adult life, but I was prepared to face it because I didn't care whether I lived or died.

The year and a half I had as myself before I knew I'd have to live through fascism was the first time I was truly looking forward to my future. I naively hoped that I'd at least have till China invaded Taiwan to establish a life for myself without an extreme upending of the status quo, but then the worst came to pass and I knew it was only a matter of time till my future became fully criminalized.

So now all I can do is survive. To not get imprisoned and very likely die. To somehow outlast the hate directed at us and start to regain what was lost. I won't kill myself for them; they'll need to do it themselves.

She only lies down on me when I'm covered with her favorite blanket

The letters threaten prison time if trans people don't get new driver's licenses with no notice.

Almost a decade ago he came home with me from the shelter, and yesterday I had to say goodbye for the last time. But he had so much personality that I'll never forget him.

Kevin loved light strokes across the top of his head, his purr would take on a whistling chirp when he was really happy, and nothing would make him short-circuit like seeing a bird out the window.

Kevin loved to chase a ball and play fetch, one of his favorite things to do was simply take a walk back and forth through the hall with you at his side.

We learned to live with each other, we annoyed each other, but most of all we loved each other. Nothing will be able to fill the void his passing has created, but memories of him will keep me smiling long into the future.

I miss you buddy.

"The legislature did not include a grace period."

Also in Kansas News: Kansas gov. vetoes bill saying it’d ban people from visiting grandparents of opposite sex

A recent article from Jesse Singal in the New York Times seemed to indicate the organization might be quietly retreating from supporting trans youth care.

“No, APA’s position has not changed,” says a representative speaking for the APA, attaching a link to their 2024 policy statement which provided broad support for gender-affirming care. “APA continues to support unobstructed access to evidence-based care for transgender and gender-diverse individuals of all ages.”

A recent article from Jesse Singal in the New York Times seemed to indicate the organization might be quietly retreating from supporting trans youth care.

“No, APA’s position has not changed,” says a representative speaking for the APA, attaching a link to their 2024 policy statement which provided broad support for gender-affirming care. “APA continues to support unobstructed access to evidence-based care for transgender and gender-diverse individuals of all ages.”

Important to note: I have OCD, and I seem to have this obsession with the idea of me being transphobic. I am a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I have known this for years, and I try my best to support everyone. I have a lot of trans friends, I love them a lot, and treat them and see them as I would anyone else.

So, I feel like I'm transphobic. Is there any evidence of this? No. I've been a vocal supporter about LGBTQ+ rights for years (online), including trans rights, but I've recently become increasingly anxious at the thought of me being transphobic.

This likely stems from my questioning of my own gender, often times I feel that I am not quite male, maybe that I'm nonbinary or genderfluid. I mentioned this to my nonbinary friend, and they said "you don't seem nonbinary". This sent me spiraling, questioning my own gender and identity, and questioning if I was transphobic for believing that I was nonbinary (or possibly genderfluid, as at times I feel very comfortable being male, but at others I feel a lot more feminine).

At some point, I have to accept the fact that this is delusion, but I still really feel like I need guidance/assurance. I do not really know what to do about this.

(ANOTHER WORRY I HAVE is acting so paranoid and making it seem like I think trans people are going to cancel me and ruin my life if I say anything wrong, like a lot of transphobic people claim and act like. This is NOT AT ALL my intention, but I know I probably come off that way.)

I’m finally getting my hormones! I’m gonna do injections, and my doctor said she’s comfortable prescribing me oral progesterone as well if I want it. And it’s a female hormone, so why shouldn’t I have it, right? I know it’s supposed to help with breast development, and maybe libido, but I haven’t done as much reading about progesterone as I have estrogen. Should I start it at the same time I start estrogen? Is it even worth taking? Would love to hear others’ thoughts and experiences

EDIT: Seems like the rough consensus is to wait around a year, so I think that’s what I’ll plan on doing. Thanks y’all!