skymtf

I've been on HRT for about 4.5 years now, and I still don't really feel any better, I'm still very depressed and dystphoric. I know I dont put a ton of effort in, but when I for help cultivating an aesthetic, people tell me to go on tiktok, or just Google it, I suffer a lot as a result cause due to my ADHD I just can't pay attention or I dont do anything and I just keep suffering, I've honestly considered just ending it since my dysphoria has been strong and consistent my entire life. I'm just tired, I want help but I just feel alone in this journey since I can't just google it, or look it up on tiktok. I feel like I'm a hopeless person and I'm honestly annoying to the trans community and huge part of transphobia

I feel like the world has placed an challenge on my shoulders I cannot and will not overcome, from a young age I’ve been considered unattractive, people treated me as if I wasn’t human, people used to use tissue paper to hand me things, make faces at me and treat me as if I was sick. On top of this I have abused by my father, when I was 14 I realized I was a women and thought hrt would fix me if I just held out long enough to start it, unfortunately after 3 years hrt, a year on injections many elements of myself are horrible, the only difference is I get the same treatment mixed in with transphobia, i feel like the only reasonable conclusion I can come to is death. I’m sorry I feel like the world wanted me to prove you don’t have to be attractive to be trans. Unfortunately that weight has proved way to much, I’m sorry to my friends I know they tried and tried, but I know normal people can only do much. I’m sorry to society, I know my life was supposed be some learning lessons but fuck I’m a human bein

I get suggestions online like do my hair, makeup, etc but as a first time girl I really don’t know where to even start, so I end up doing nothing and looking like a hag and im tired of being treated like crap

I’ve been on HRT for two years, why do I still look like a man, why do I still look like this, why is my dystphoria worse than ever. Why do I hate myself so much. Why haven’t I’ve been loved and snuggled. Im just so sad with everything honestly can’t sleep.

I know I'm a self hating weirdo but I feel like I should be allowed to feel more cozy in my skin.

A selfie I dislike, and a selfie I can kinda tolorate https://imgur.com/gallery/6R78NUn

I purposely choose a kinda bad selfie, cause honestly this is where I feel my worst but is the most accurate way to access my transition. I've been on HRT since 2022, my levels have been kept at a max of 130 usually around 90 on E, and T is usually around 20. I did switch to injections which so far feels like it's even less effective than pills. (My E level was like 90pg/ml) I'm kinda at a point where I feel like FFS is needed, but I'm unsure what FFS could do for me, what surgeon I would choose etc. I doubt I'll ever have health insurance so I'll likely just need to crowd fund it. https://imgur.com/gallery/p2jmz2u

I still look really bad, like nothing has happened, can I Just not expect better results, is this the end of the road. I know people always tell me "your beaitful inside" (im not mad at them) and shit like that

https://imgur.com/a/X3lwaha

I've been wondering if the reason I've only seen small results after nearly two years is that while my levels are fine by body can't do what it's supposed to. And if that's the case should I just quit hrt

I am currently on 0.12ml (12 units) injected weekly, I don't really know if it's enough?

https://transfemscience.org/misc/injectable-e2-simulator/

I tried this but had no idea how to convert 12 units into mg, also the pharmacy does not seem to list to concentration.

https://www.empowerpharmacy.com/drugs/estradiol-valerate-injection

https://imgur.com/a/06wqcVf