You've got nice hair.
That's just not true. I know people who are happy with their jobs and live decent lives. Yes, capitalism sucks, but saying that there's no happiness and there's no joy in this system is just incorrect. Even in systems and countries that have even worse conditions, people still manage to find joy and happiness in things, even if they're small. Friends, family, pets, nature, hobbies, etc are ways that you can find little pockets of joy in this world. If you don't have any of those things, it's more than possible to find them. You're going to live a miserable life with that mindset (which isn't even reflective of reality) and there's no good in trying to spread that to others.
This is so relatable. I do this especially around family because I desperately don't want to be judged and talked about (but it happens anyway).
"Transfeminine AMABs (people assigned male at birth) with testicles experience surges in testosterone in relation to attraction and desire, which can make them more dysphoric." -Biochemical dysphoria, The Gender Dysphoria Bible
I don't have any specific advice for you but I want you to know that you're loved, valued, and wanted, even if just by random internet people (but I'm sure there are people in your life who feel this way about you even if they don't say it outright).
Things are gonna turn out better, even if it takes some time. Take it one step at a time, day by day. You've done so much already, and it takes a strong, resilient person to go through the things you've been subjected to.
I wish you the best. You can do this.
Could you also post this to c/trans?