Is there a reason you couldn't be a man with "big pillowy tits, thick thighs and an ass so big you can see it from the front"?
It seems to me like you're caught in a gender binary and falling into the trap of having to "choose" from a false dichotomy. HRT isn't a binary either and assuming you have access to medical professionals within your area you can describe the specifics that you want and a good doctor will work with you to help meet those needs.
If you have the means and haven't yet, a good first step could be to find a therapist to help understand, define and articulate what exactly those needs are. It's not a decision you need to make in a day, HRT isn't going to magically transition you to hyper-fem in a single day and force you to change your name and start life from scratch. There's doesn't even have to be any sort of "coming out" thing if you don't want there to be. If you've got bigotted parents/coworkers/community/etc. you can totally just deny it to them and play it off as getting old or whatever.
So it's the fear of rejection/bigotry/etc. that's your primary hold up?
Alternatively HRT is kinda magic in its ability to reprogram your body. It's not quite "full body swap" but if it eventually gets you 60-80% of the way there then why not?