There have been similar posts in the past and you all might be tired of commenting on them, but I'm really curious what it's like for others. So here I am posting my own question thread.
Given that our core identities are defined by lots of different quirks, gender, romance, sexuality, platonic affinity being some of them. I am curious to know what aspects all of you measure yourself by and how you place yourselves within the bigger picture. Especially hoping for some wholesome takes that may help someone else feel more comfortable with themselves, should they adopt the way of thinking.
I'll share my own take: Gender identity
- Masculine-feminine spectrum: Definitely more comfortable with feminine side.
- Fluidity: experiencing some, not sure if that is because of uncertainty or inherent.
- Intensity flux: also experiencing some, some days are just a little extra "I want to be a girl"-days.
- Overall: unsure about where that leaves me, status quo (I'm just me) is fine for now.
Attraction to others
- Sexuality: Definitely bisexual, trans-inclusive (who would have guessed).
- Romantic...ality?: Vastly different from sexuality, mostly romantically interested in women (cis or trans), i'd say biromantic with a 90% bias. Any men I've had romantic interest in shared some feminine traits, so 'femromantic'? Is that a thing?
Social traits
- Platonic affinity: Find myself feeling most comfortable around women. As long as I can remember I've always been one of the girls and some interactions with men actually confirm that I'm absolutely nothing like the average dude.
- General sensitivity: Without a doubt HSP, even though others usually can't tell (which gets me in trouble).
- Social tolerance: Intuitively introverted, though have become more outgoing lately, so not strictly introverted.
Obviously these are just some examples of things we can measure ourselves by, curious to see which ones you will add or remove and why. And it goes without saying: Only share what you're comfortable sharing.
TL;DR: I'm a huge nerd and have reduced myself to an n-dimensional vector, and I'm asking you to do the same and maybe add some dimensions you know of.
Most eastern European countries follow the same blueprint of the elderly being exremely conservative. The youngsters are usually damaged in a way where they are more tolerant, but have some weird homo-/transphobic tendencies. And then there's people like you who are just trying to live their lives the way they feel they should. Never give up on that!
Now I don't presume to know what kind of relationship you have with your parents. But judging from some of the stories I've seen on this community alone, taking away hormones is probably not even close to the most damaging thing your parents could do to you. So I might be blowing things way out of proportion here, but just in case: Be absolutely sure they're not going to kick you out to the streets or otherwise put you in danger before you're in a position where you being a minor no longer impacts your life.
Also don't underestimate what the hormones will do to your body. Two whole years is a lot of time for changes to take effect, including things you might not be able to hide as easily. Two years is a long time to keep a secret from your immediate family, and there are probably going to be moments where simply "boymoding" is not going to cut it.
Then there's the leaving the country part, which is likely not going to be a magic solution either. The good news is that you have two years to research everything you need to know in order to find some safety in your life. And I hate to say it, but financial security is going to be a big part of that, as it allows you more freedom to avoid places that are regretably not safe for trans folk. The harsh reality is that this becomes exponentially easier if you're either talented or highly educated, since most of the safer countries will more readily hand out work visa to those more beneficial to the local economy and job market.
Don't get the wrong idea, definitely not trying to talk you out of your plans! Just trying to make sure you're several steps ahead and have planned for all sorts of situations. So the common denominator in all of this is "make sure you're prepared and keep planning ahead".
Other than that I wish you all the best, and good luck on your journey.