A week was a bit too long for me with 10mg e. valerate injections (monotherapy). It wasn't unbearable, but I'd feel pretty shitty by day 6 or so. I'm on patches now, which gives me a much more stable level without too much hassle. Highly recommended if you can get them and don't have a bad reaction to the adhesive.
OldEggNewTricks
joined 1 year ago
Half a year into transition here. I've been sleeping much better since I started, and I don't think I remember having any dreams since.
In the past, my dreams which didn't feature gender would have been "assumed male" regular me. But I did have a recurring dream where I'd wake up as a woman one day, and they were mostly centered around how to explain it to the people who knew me and generally enjoying my new life. Those were absolutely crushing to wake up from. Also sexual fantasies and dreams were mostly from a female perspective (thus I assumed it was just a fetish for a long time).
I would also very frequently dissociate during waking times and imagine myself doing whatever I was doing, but as a woman. Not in a sexual way, just a very melancholy "if only..." feeling.
That's all stopped since starting transition. Instead, when I've been concentrating on something and come "back to reality" as it were, I often get a brief flash of "crap, I'm a man -- no, wait -- oh shit I'm out and transitioning is this a dream I must be crazy -- calm down, this is what I want" with an associated adrenaline spike. That's not fun. Other times when my mind wanders I can just reflect happily on how awesome it is I get to be a woman at last, if I can stave off the "you're faking it" dysphoria.
I don't have much experience yet of being treated as a woman socially, or even seeing myself in that role, but I'm hoping that will change and I get used to it. Then I'd expect my dreams to mostly reflect that.
Idk why the coat hanger foam works but it’s great!
A wild guess, but I wonder if it's melamine foam? We use blocks of the stuff here to clean all sorts of things around the house. Works great on metal, too!
Yes, I think so. She's not religious, but has difficulty talking openly about her feelings (this is something we've dealt with many many times before). It seems she wants to get used to the new state of things, and seems to be trying, but rather than just coming out and saying "hold on, I'm freaking out a bit about this" or whatever, tends to pick on specific things I'm doing at the time instead of the root cause.
I thought mine was too (and genuinely appears to be trying!) but then she sometimes comes out with comments like this. My poor brain can't handle "I'm mad about X, but I'm going to complain about Y instead which hasn't been a problem up to now". I have enough trouble reading emotions as it is: please just tell me what you're upset about!
Oh, I almost forgot! (Please excuse me replying a second time)
In case you haven't seen it, and are getting impatient, there's always Turn Me Into A Girl
Oops! But all's well that ends well :3
I've also been watching Philosophy Tube recently, although since she's from the North of England we are clearly sworn enemies for life.
Yay, welcome to the sisterhood!
I don't really have anything other than congratulations to add that others haven't already mentioned. From my experience I'd recommend really making an effort to keep communicating with your wife. Especially if she's having trouble adjusting you may find yourself wanting to hide parts of your transition (if you choose to do so) from her, and that's likely to cause trouble.
Best wishes for the future <3
Haha, yes. Listening to my colleagues talking about Cialis and thinking "why on earth would you want more erections?" was possibly a sign.
Two things worth pointing out here that may or may not be relevant:
- Not all trans women experience bottom dysphoria
- It's not unusual to start (or stop) feeling dysphoria about things that weren't a problem previously
All of that said, I don’t know what exactly it feels like to be trans, or be a woman, so I don’t know how to compare my experience to how I “should” or “shouldn’t” feel.
I don't think anybody does. But "trans" and "woman" are just labels. I find it's more helpful to think about what you want to do.
I feel like If I had been born as a woman, I would prefer that to having been born male. And if I could flip a switch and instantly be a woman, I would.
You might like to reflect some more on what this implies about your gender.
For most of my life I identified as "just a regular dude... unfortunately". Possibly with a greater-than-usual interest in HRT and trans topics, and a rather persistent fantasy about having a female body.
Then I started briefly questioning, but was still "not trans... unfortunately". The thing that cracked me was seeing egg_irl memes of the "you can just be a girl; there's no entry requirements to be trans" variety. I realized that transitioning was something I desperately wanted all my life but didn't allow myself to consider, and that was that. A very sudden "ohhh shit I am trans" moment. I still doubt whether I'm "really trans", but I sure as hell don't want to stop transitioning!
Anyway, check out the Gender Dysphoria Bible (see the sidebar), stick around and I hope you manage to figure yourself out satisfactorily, whatever you turn out to be.
Oh my, right in the feels 😭