If by personal and intimate you meant about bodies or relationships or surgeries or sex or, I mean really anything related to being transfeminine then yeah you can absolutely discuss those things here. Adult content should be labeled as NSFW, the usage of slurs in titles should be avoided, but as long as the rules are being followed thats all that matters.
I also experienced extreme bottom dysphoria. It was completely disruptive my whole life. It definitely got worse the longer I was out as trans. There were so many things I wanted to do that I didnt feel like I could. I'm very inclined towards feminine clothes and presentation and I pretty much never could wear anything explicitly fem. I always wore baggy clothes, hoodies and jeans in the middle of summer kinda vibe. It was awful genuinely I hated my body and wanted no one to ever see me. I didnt swim for over a decade. I felt out of place among other women, I felt repulsed with intimacy and avoided it as much as possible. I got misgendered a lot and just sort of accepted it. I was very unhappy most of the time.
I dont have any easy answers. It nearly killed me. I coped badly, to make a long story short. I waited a long time for surgery and getting it saved my life. Its been over 2 years now. I'm almost an entirely different person. Its hard to really summarize all the changes but I actually like who I am today. I love my body in spite of its flaws and I actually feel free to be myself, something I never did before. I'm better adjusted emotionally and much better at managing my mental health. I'm not entirely free of dysphoria now, but bottom dysphoria was far and away the worst for me.
The next 6 months before your surgery date will feel like the longest thing ever and also retrospectively like the blink of an eye. A light at the end of the tunnel exists. I'm very excited for you to get there. Be patient with yourself and focus on getting through each day.
It looks about the same as any vagina really. I do have a clitoral hood, but I prefer stimulation over it rather than direct stimulation personally. It can also be stimulated somewhat from the inside.
It feels also about the same as any other vagina lol. Like it's kinda hard to get much of a specific texture profile from it tbh. Fleshy I suppose.
I had penile inversion vaginoplasty and I self lubricate. My surgeon preserves the bulbourethral glands during the surgery for this reason. Those are the parts that create pre-ejaculate. Which are homologous to the Bartholin's glands, which help lubricate the vagina for cis women. So yeah if things are heated I do get wet lol.
Having one is pretty normal at this point 2 years post op. It was overall probably the single most incredible event of my entire life and my whole life changed a lot after. I used to suffer a lot from bottom dysphoria. To the point that I struggled to function a lot of the time. Getting surgery was the best choice I've ever made for myself and yeah I am extremely happy with the outcome.
Hm. You should bring a lot of comfortable clothes. I honestly kinda wish I had cut my hair before surgery, cause you end up spending a lot of time fairly low energy and in bed. My hair ended up getting super tangled as a result. If youre diligent you could braid it frequently or just get someone else to brush it, but I had like 3 foot long hair so I was not capable of managing it on my own lol. Bring hand and lip cream, hospital/clinic air can be super dry. Bring some stuff to keep you occupied ofc, game consoles or books or shows. The clinic i went to had us all in dorms so I brought headphones to be polite to everyone else staying at the time.
Before hand, I mean for me it was winding off of smoking (almost 2 years since i quit) and trying to get into a healthier eating routine. Cutting back on caffeine and stocking up on low effort meal supplies. Trying to keep calm. Things go very fast once youre there but the build up can be nerve wracking.
After hand, while youre in the hospital they will be instructing you on every little thing. They won't force you to walk, or at least my clinic only forced me to do it on day 1. But I kept walking every day, usually twice a day for 15 minutes each. Its good to keep yourself moving but also not overdo it.
Once you're back home do not try to get back into your normal routine. You are off your feet and your are in recovery and you will need help. Crucial that during the first 2 months you spend as much putting minimal strain on your body. You'll sleep a lot. Get a in bed laptop/meal tray. It will come in handy, or at least it did for me. Download a timers app on your phone early on for timing dilation, pain killers, walks, etc. The first few months feel like forever at first but it goes pretty fast. When you get first home though yeah you really want to rest as much as possible, get lots of fluids and focus on adhering to the routine your surgeon tells you to do.
I'm glad you have had good experiences. It sucks how like hit or miss it is in that way. I've had very understanding and cooperative doctors and I've had doctors who are clearly doing everything they can to deny me care. My partner recently finished the process of getting an autism diagnosis, for example, and that process took them a year and a half of being shown the door and fighting to get another appointment.
If really goes well above and beyond just trans care. But I was gatekept for 7 years from getting reassignment surgery. I live in Canada, healthcare is public here, but the wait list for new doctors where I live is about a decade. So I was entirely dependent on 1 specific healthcare professional to provide the care I needed, just one person I had to convince and I didn't have any other options. Can't tell you how frustrating it is to run into a wall continously like that. If you have money you can just bypass that process, but if you don't depending on where you live you're stuck with whatever you get.
The healthcare system in North America actively works against us in every possible way. You are your only advocate. If you dont speak up for yourself your needs will fall on deaf ears.
From one neurodivergent woman to another, be aware that ableism exists everywhere. Finding other neuroqueer people was the first time in my life I really felt like I belonged somewhere.
I'm also a lesbian. It did take me a long time to come around to that though. Had less to do with my body and more with my confusion surrounding the way men affirming me made me feel. Straight men finding me desirable validated my identity. I confused the euphoria of that validation with attraction. I transitioned almost a decade ago and do not see a male body though, so not exactly what I think you're referring to.
Her hatred for queer people is not limited to trans people. She's also said some anti-sex workers' rights and anti-abortion adjacent stuff lately. Her platform is Twitter. Her fanbase is growing increasingly to comprise white nationalists.
The original essay she wrote was still very transphobic. Even if it seemed she had researched, she hadn't. The 'research' she was doing was following a genuinely insane bigot with a brain tumor who called for genocide of trans women, and a entitled upper middle class woman who really wanted to be able to deadname and misgender trans people at her contract job.
In that very first essay, she stated that trans women are a danger to cis women. She started from a position of hatred. All she has done is become more vulgar and less subtle. She is a threat to the existence of transgender people, and she has been since the very first day. The transgender community was pointing out how far gone she was on day one.
Here's an article that talks about what she said and why it was wrong in depth. The truth of the matter is that the response to that essay should have been a loud and resounding condemnation, but it wasn't.
I have been sexually assaulted before, too. I've never used what happened to me as justification to attack the rights of vulnerable minorities. The studies show overwhelmingly that the majority of women will be sexually abused in one way or another multiple times throughout their lives. And yet not every cis woman feels hate towards trans people. Many cis women support trans women. The majority of my friends are cis women, both queer and not. All of them support my rights. The majority of them have also been assaulted before by men. It's entirely irrelevant to the discussion, trans women are not men. The only possible justification there is that AMAB people are biologically rapists? Like there's something innate to the Y chromosome that makes you a rapist? Which is an absolutely wild way to view the world and the problem of sexual violence against women. Totally ignorant of why men get away with sexual assault so often. It's not genetics. It's entirely our society and culture that allows that to happen.
First of all, you are absolutely welcome to be vulnerable and in pain in this community. This space belongs to you girl and you are allowed to struggle and vent about what you're going through. You don't have to justify needing support, and this community was made for you.
You are a woman. It's not dependent on you meeting certain criteria or appearing a certain way or presenting a certain face. It's you. You're a mom too, and that pressure is a lot on your shoulders as well. You can only take things one day at a time. Spending time with chasers was definitely a mistake I made in the past. It feels incredibly dehumanizing because it is. It's being reduced down to body parts and consumed by others. I struggled with severe dysphoria and depression for years, I know it's hard. Reaching out like this was a step you made for yourself. That's a step you should recognize. Community is important for trans folks. It can be so isolating without others who understand what you're going through. You're not alone. I hope today at least is a bit easier.
Good idea. Yeah i tried to lookup conversion therapists online to "snitch" on them, but turns out it's actually quite hard to find that information.
Congratulations Dandelion, so happy for you 😊