Transfem

You might have enjoyed going through it with an adult brain when you were younger because you can rationalise what's happening to you. But, I have a daughter going through it at the moment and it's miserable for her and everyone around her child brains are not good at handling it. When I think back to that age the girls in my class were a fucking mess. Constantly getting into fights and slapping each other over misunderstandings etc it was no better when the boys started (whole lot worse actually). But first puberty is miserable no matter what your gender

Mobbing is called bullying in english, btw!

I'm very sorry for your friend :(

And yeah, it sucks. It feels like a lot of my life post puberty was just sorta wasted in many ways, but I try to focus on living my life as best as I can today

This was something I experienced as well, the dysphoria shifting as soon as the most pressing stuff was out of the way. Before HRT, all I could think about was going on HRT and experiencing the body changes. Then, I started to mourn first puberty just like you're doing right now. I got over that and then bottom dysphoria got so much worse. Priorities change, I guess. But the good thing is that they keep changing and whatever's #1 on your mind right now might not be a concern at all in a year (or less).

I had pretty immense grief in the first year of transition.

I just have to live for my present and future, though - and appreciate that I didn't wait longer to finally transition. Realizing that I'm only going to get older, that right now is the youngest I'll be, can be clarifying in terms of priorities.

I mostly had female friends in high school, but it's hard to be friends with women when you're perceived as a straight guy. So that social alienation from women was also a part of my growing up and adulthood. Basically my adulthood was very blackpilled and mostly about wishing and waiting to die. Estrogen was like starting my life for the first time. Once you start to pass and be accepted by cis women, it gets easier to socialize and make friends. Just keep going - it gets so much better.

One strategy I've seen trans women take IRL is to get more involved in kink and ethical non-monogamy spaces where there are lots of queer women - this seems to have become a basis of making friends and developing a sense of community. Spend time in queer spaces, esp. early in transition. Get out there, go make friends. :-)

i don't think that's unusual. i started having this feeling when i moved in my early twenties and started living openly gay. i mourned the teen-years i missed. now i wonder what my twenties would have looked like, when i would heve had more clearvoyance back then, and would have realised i was trans. i sometimes feel a bit jealous for younger people, who accepted themselves earlier. that's ugly. very ugly. but i'm also happy to see this happen. that more younger people got the courage now.

it seems always too late. but don't let the romanticised version of 'youth' like it is displayed in various media get too much in your head. it's just that a youth written by melancholic adults.

people say the older you get, the better it gets. you know yourself better, meet people, that know themselves better. i guess love gets less chaotic and more honest. (afaik it really does.) make it happen now! you are at uni, i remember? join some clubs that have an equal or bigger percentage of women (i did with theater) you will find yourself some more friends. :)

Yeah, it sucks missing out on the childhood you wanted. But there's no reason you can't do the things now! I know people sometimes look down on the "baby trans" phase, but I don't think it's a bad thing. I love going out in a ridiculous outfit and too much makeup. I even got scolded for wearing a skirt that was too short :3

It's worth putting in the effort to make friends with more women locally, too. HRT will make it progressively easier as your appearance changes.

yo that sperm freezing thing, I just did it this week (but I haven't paid its medical bill because insurance is slow) through GiveLegacy which kinda just does everything thru the mail.