Transfem

I don't think self acceptance as applied to cis people in the context of beauty standards can be useful for alleviating dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is not just social and is not just a matter of not accepting yourself. Unfortunately there is no kind of "conversion therapy" that is successful in eliminating gender dysphoria - the only known effective treatment is social and medical transition.

There is evidence that surgeries that are used to pursue body ideals in patients with body dysmorphia do not alleviate the distress from the body dysmorphia, whereas surgeries that align people with gender dysphoria with their gender identity do actually reduce distress and improve well-being.

Gender dysphoria should be treated differently than merely an extension of beauty standards. Hormones do much more than just change how you look, they significantly alter your brain and mood. Cis people when forced to take cross-sex hormones develop depression and other mental health symptoms, and it's not surprising that many trans people likewise experience those symptoms and find they are alleviated upon having the correct sex hormones.

I think if you look closely at any industry you will find terribly harmful roots to those industries. To bake muffins you might use baking soda that was extracted from the earth in unsustainable ways that polluted streams, killed wildlife, and relied on exploitative labor practices.

You aren't responsible for the fact that medically necessary care for trans individuals like laser hair removal comes from or is connected to a cosmetics industry that has played a role in cultivating and exploiting body dysmorphia in mostly cis women.

The circumstances and industries don't have to be perfect to justify choosing to accept care that is proven to improve clinical outcomes in trans patients.

The trouble with self acceptance that you're having is the result of a lifetime of transphobia. Transphobia that has you believing that being trans is a bad thing. And that lens shapes thoughts like these.

For every negative example you provide there, there is a positive version. When you consider transition as a form of self love and self care, all of the things you are talking about become acts of self care. When you frame it as purely about aesthetics, you perceive it as shallow and harmful, and in turn, the act of transition becomes one of selfishness.

The thing is though, self acceptance and transition is an act of self care and self love, that improves not only your life, but the lives of the people that love you and interact with you. The trick here is giving yourself permission to be open to that possibility.

You can't reason yourself out of internalised transphobia. You won't find a mental "gotcha" that lets you undo a lifetime of negative thoughts in a moment. What you can do though is recognise that you're carrying a lifetime of negative propoganda, and recognise these thoughts as being part of that. It doesn't make them go away, but it does take away some of their power, and gives you the space to find a healthier perspective.

For the most part I think the aim is different at it's core. Beauty standards are a bit whimsical and enforced from without. You are rewarded by society for conforming to these standards which feeds back into the desire. It's similar but Gender Euphoria and Dysphoria come from within. Some of the things it acts on aren't beauty standards and the rewards from without are often a mixed bag of good and bad because society doesn't reward your specific goals.

The reward is feeling like yourself. Feeling seen and not having people comment on your appearance with gendered pronouns that make you feel weird or bad. If you are ugly society usually doesn't comment on it directly to your face because that is seen as harmful or rude. But being trans people comment about your body every bloody day without knowing it : when they call you he/she/ma'am/sir. Each time is a reminder of the part of your physical experience of life reflecting you in a mirror of words that are never value neutral to you only to the person speaking unless otherwise told.

Would body positivity be possible at all if the commentary on everyone's most vulnerable physical features were offered half so often as they are for us?

I just read this article about beauty standards and while I see the excess of it as harmful I can't help but feel hypocritical when I think about laser or hormones or even putting on eye shadow and mascara, not to mention FFS.

I've struggled with these same thoughts, and while I do believe there is a line between pursuing gender euphoria and pursuing societal beauty standards, finding that line can be very challenging (and subjective).

There is something to be said about acceptance, and I think no matter where you are in your transition, you should show yourself love and grace, because you are so much more than just your appearance. However, if some aesthetic change alleviates dysphoria for you and makes you happier, then by all means, allow yourself to be happier.

At the end of the day, you should do with your body that which brings you joy. Follow what feels right, don't run from what feels wrong. Changes motivated by insecurities are often an endless treadmill that keep you dissatisfied with your body, while following a lifestyle that feels authentic to you will likely have lasting positive effects.

Both require the same underlying systems - and my face laser wouldn't be attainable without the massive beauty industry making it affordable by virtue of many cis women using the service.

Similar with hormones. If most postmenopausal women didn't get E prescribed, then it would be prohibitaly expensive

I don't think this is a fair criticism. You aren't responsible for these systems by utilizing them. It's impossible to live life without interacting with an unethical system. While we can try our best to support the things we agree with, sometimes you only have one option. That's not your fault as the consumer. IMO the "market decides" mentality is an excuse for these industries to avoid their very real responsibility.

I don't think gender affirming care or the systems enabling it (especially at the rates they are prescribed) is doing much harm, and the good they bring far outweighs it.

Oh big time. I have a huge issue with relying on the medical establishment for the hormones to make me a woman. But that doesn't mean that if it disappears, I'll lose access to that forever.

Realistically, the only way it's going away is if society falls. And I think I'll have bigger problems to worry about at that point.

I don't want hormones to change my appearance per se. I want them to help me avoid going to prison for beating my neighbour to death. I've been experiencing constant unwavering rage since I was a teenager and using all my mental energy on not acting on it. I'm fucking tired.

I'm not going to pass as cis but I might pass as human, if I flush the rage juice out of my body. That's the dream. Don't get me wrong I'd love to live as a woman but if I think about it I sort of already am living as a woman, just a very angry one.