Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
- Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
- Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
- Please be kind and respectful to all.
- Please tag NSFW topics.
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- Please do not repost bigoted content here.
This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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I don't think there is any right answer to this - you might just have to try things and learn what you like?
I guess I "cross-dressed" my whole life - when I was a kid and a teenager I was trying on skirts and wearing hand-me-down clothes from my mom, etc. I learned from those experiences that I have mixed feelings, that I loved the way women's jeans felt on me and they weren't so femme-coded that it made me feel awful when I looked in the mirror. When I wore skirts and dresses, I felt great or even just more normal, but I hated the way I looked in them. So I developed a habit of either actively trying to suppress wearing those, but eventually I just started wearing basic skirts and dresses around the house in private.
So by the time my egg-cracked, I had some experience wearing women's clothes already, and knew I loved skirts, dresses, etc. - but I still looked awful in them.
HRT is very important, and after a year on it, I started to fit the dresses much better and looked nice in some things. Without HRT I'm not sure I would ever enjoy wearing women's clothes much, it would leave me feeling worse in many ways, at women's clothes don't fit well and leave me feeling monstrous and ugly, etc.
So I guess my suggestion is to be wary of how experimentation might backfire and lead to repression that ultimately makes things worse for you (esp. in the context of what sounds like having a straight spouse who isn't going to be able to be attracted to you as a woman, a situation many late-transitioners find themselves in, and which leads to delaying necessary transition steps by years or decades, usually to the permanent detriment of the trans spouse).
And in terms of clothes, just wear what feels good to wear - I wouldn't suggest you push yourself out of your comfort zone. I don't know how you feel or respond to different clothes, or what you have or haven't experimented with. Start with baby steps, see if you can buy some women's jeans and try them on, see how they feel. The next step might be to try out leggings, maybe.
Ultimately I needed a female body more than I ever needed female clothes, but we all have different (if not also often similar) experiences.