Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
- Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
- Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
- Please be kind and respectful to all.
- Please tag NSFW topics.
- No NSFW image posts.
- Please provide content warnings where appropriate.
- Please do not repost bigoted content here.
This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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As I'm sure is the case for a lot of trans folks, I know the feeling roiling in your head all too well. You don't know what your future is going to look like, but you know it's not going to be the sameas how you've been living. Something has fundamentally shifted in your understanding of yourself, and it's exciting and terrifying. In case nobody has mentioned it to you yet, the Gender dysphoria bible is something you'll probably want to read even if you decide transitioning isn't for you. It's got a LOT of useful information and helped me make an informed decision and have an idea of what I wanted for me. Wishing you the best in the future, whatever it holds for you!
Thank you so much for this comment, the bible and your words of encouragement! I really needed it today <3
+1 for reading the Gender Dysphoria Bible
let me know if you want other recommendations on reading materials, I can share those.
I will say, starting estrogen should be first on your mind - it's a lot less risky or extreme as it sounds, and it can be very clarifying and improve mental health significantly. I like to think of taking estrogen as an early diagnostic step, you can take it for around 3 months without any long-term / permanent effects, and after that point the only permanent effect you risk is breast growth (which technically could be mitigated later if needed).
Within the first week of injecting estrogen I knew whether I was "really trans" or not, I would want to continue taking estrogen, and the fact that I would look more and more like a woman was just a bonus for me 😅
So, I highly recommend making HRT a priority and an early step in your transition. Social transition and other steps can always happen later - many of us don't socially transition until we've been on estrogen for a long time (e.g. once you start to pass as a woman).
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your insights and experiences! :D In my country, while on the surface both authorities and healthcare try to sound gender affirmative and supportive, the process is extremely long.
I am not arguing against you in any way. I am endlessly grateful for your advice, and I do take it to heart. <3 Just wanted to share info on what kind of society I live in. And I also don't in any way mean to diminish how "good" I have it in comparison to places where you risk alienation, harassment or even murder if you even mention the idea of trans and/or non-binary.
Gosh... I need to stop making excuses, but that's an ongoing process too. 😅
Yes, generally in countries that don't have sufficient access to care, the default is that people turn to DIY - basically buying and dosing estrogen on their own. This is done in the meantime until they are able to finally get you officially on HRT.
I'm in the US, and the US does still have really good access to care compared to most of the rest of the world. Here, there are usually clinics you can go to that operate on an "informed consent" model whereby you just acknowledge the risks and effects of taking HRT and legally sign off on those changes, then you are given access to the hormones usually same-day.
I waited 3 months for an appointment with a local endocrinologist, then walked out with a Rx for estrogen the same day as my first appointment.
Waiting 3 months was excruciating, and looking back I wish I had found some way to DIY during that time. I really took my life into my own hands, and had some rather extreme suicidal episodes that looking back were entirely unnecessary (not that I could have known then that estrogen would mostly "fix" this).
And yes, the fear and denial about transition is very real, and it made it very hard for me to have much access or awareness of my needs and preferences. I couldn't connect with a desire to live as a woman, even ... it's difficult, and talking to a gender-informed therapist is a good idea.
I remember my therapist helped me get through my mental struggles with accepting getting a vaginoplasty - she asked me to imagine myself 20 years later and not having ever acted to get the surgery, how would I feel? It was quite clarifying to me that I don't think I want to live a life with those genitals, I just want to be a woman - I wish I had been born a cis woman, and surgery was a way to help me get closer to that.
Compare that to how I felt when my egg first cracked, I was certain I would never get a vaginoplasty, that I had no "dysphoria" (at all, I thought), but I knew I wanted an orchi.
We all struggle through awareness in our own ways - some of us have better access or awareness of what we want than others.
I tend to think most of us repress our feelings and needs, so most of us are not aware of the dysphoria that impacts us.
Either way, feel free to DM me any time or ask me any questions. I am happy to share about my personal experiences, and I also have plenty of recommended reading and resources to help you navigate transition.
Luckily, transition is safe and has much better clinical outcomes than most medical treatments, so it's really not much to worry about. It's mostly the psychological and social stigma and hurdles that are difficult, but getting on HRT early and working hard on your transition (particularly voice training, learning how to dress, etc.) can really make a huge difference.
I also transitioned later in life, and I thought I would never pass, but I was passing almost all the time after 8 months of HRT, and I haven't had any experiences where a cis stranger has clocked me since 12 months of HRT. It varies from person to person, but I know someone IRL who transitioned at a later age than me and she also passes well and lives full time as a woman.
Life can be so much better than you realize, I really hope you are able to transition and start living, too. 💕