Eldritch Mlems

See title. How do I even cope with never being able to get pregnant? I mourn the fact that I never even once had the opportunity to get pregnant, to feel life in me developing, and all that. Of all things, this gives me the greatest dysphoria. I want to have wider hips and larger boobs, and even though I'm 28 (so hip widening likely won't happen... maybe surgery?) and I'm 7 months on HRT, I feel like it's not satisfactory yet. It has made me so much happier and I feel much more liberated having HRT, but even before I knew trans was a thing, even early on, I still had the desire to eventually be able to get pregnant.

I don't care that it's a lot of morning sickness, feeling miserable and extremely tired, heavy, and all that - I experienced long illness before. But having someone at the end of it, feeling the baby kick... I heavily miss that I cannot experience that. I'm happy for those who can, but I wish I could, and I want to actively fight for it. Even if I die or suffer horribly, then at least I will have contributed to further understanding so that people may one time experience it.

To that child whom I will likely not have the luck of carrying -- may life find you when it calls you. I love you with all my heart and I wish I were able to see you. If I ever do succeed in that, then I swear solemnly to thank the world for its bounty and gifts; and regardless I will support all who struggle through life.

Putting on black nail polish used to be the highlight of my week in the early days of transition and way before I came out. I was never good at it, but I liked how it looked on me and it felt like a way to get control back in my life in one of the few ways that I could.

Now HRT has done some pretty nice things to me after three years and I don't feel as connected to nail polish, and everything I didn't like about it feels much more of a pain. Like that it's expensive, that it can be a mess, and after a decade, I still always miss my nail bed and get paint on my skin.

I do still like taking care of my nails. I enjoy filing the shape just right and exfoliating them and moisturizing to keep them healthy. That's all fine.

But then I get the intrusive thoughts that I'm not femme enough or not alt enough if I don't wear black nail polish. Of course, I know that's not true, but it is what my brain tells me. So that's kind of where I'm at.

Him name Ripley but I call him Rippy :3

Wherein the Summoner nee Druid finally gets to show his nature knowledge!

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/J2-iv_pm5QM

my birdbath trail-cam. unknown void;;

night visitor;

As election results poured in on Tuesday night, it became clear that Democrats were winning nationwide against anti-trans opponents.

Noki and Bandit twinning

Singing is one of the few things that brings me joy and wanting to sound just like Eivør was one of the things that made me start to question my gender identity. So if anyone is familiar with voice training as it pertains to singing, I'd be eternally grateful for tips.

More links:

Tròdlabùndin

Falling free

Brotin

Eventually I will die from laughter if he keeps sitting like this everywhere

Get your HPV vaccine, and if post-op, see a gynecologist!