By the way this is the second time this has happend.
You know it sucks because I have been feeling suicidal lately and I've been seriously thinking about it. This just makes me want to let go even more.
Fuck the world, Fuck people like this. I don't even feel safe walking outside because I might get attacked or harassed by some right wing asshole who hates me because of who I am. What the fuck is happening. Why do I deserve this? Why? Why? Why?!! I've been crying about this soo much my throat is raw and I can barely cry anymore. It's so unfair. Just because I was born a boy people treat me so horribly. People want to kill me. People want me to die. Well I want to die. I would rather die than live in a world like this. Fuck me, fuck my life. I wish I was never fucking born. FUUUUUCK!
Edit: I'm going to go cry quietly under my bed, it's the place I feel safest right now.
Update: Thank you for everyone who commented with support. I feel slightly better. At least in regards to what happened. These are hard times and it's hard not to feel hopeless from what I've seen and heard IRL but at the very least you all have made me feel like it might be worth it to try. I hope there will one day be a day when people like us don't face such hell just for existing.
Those people don't know you. Should we care what insecurity they have about THEIR own identity? You're a queen and you know it. So own it. Be the based bitch that you want to be.
The fact that you know who you are makes you so much better than these others. Just as I punched an asshole for spitting on me, and don't care what other gaping think, so too can we live our life.
The lady who calls you that is just an asshole seeking for excuses to be an ass. She wants to get a reaction out of you.
Are there other libraries to where you could go? If you live in the US in a red state, why not visit a larger city? People will be more accepting there in general.
I don't pretend to know your situation. But I've grown up in a similar situation, in where I had no friends. And here I am, 25+ years later and doing well. When darkness seems to be at its strongest, we must look for our own light and create it, following what we wish to better. I might be some online pixels to you just as you are to me, but we are both humans. And we have our own hopes and dreams.
Do you have a hobby you like that you can do at home? Things you are grateful for? If not, try taking walks in woods nearby, reading/writing/drawing, playing music. I find they help.
+1 for moving to a more accepting place like a larger city.
-1 for punching assholes in the face, this is how you end up in jail, and trans people are not treated well there.
There was a trans woman who was brutally attacked in a bar and was chased when she tried to leave, and when she defended herself with some scissors and the attacker died, she went to prison. They put her in a male prison and they wouldn't administer her hormones correctly either until after a petition campaign pressured them to.
Trans folks are vulnerable, so I suggest not taking unnecessary risks. Stay under the radar; part of not giving them a reaction is not reacting to degrading behavior with violence.
I'm weak and small, I was even without HRT. If I started a fight with someone, even someone average male strength and size, they could kill me easily and I would be powerless to stop them. Someone did try to kill me once actually, 3 months ago. He tried to strangle me because he thought I looked at his kids, he only let go of me because a woman saw him doing it and screamed. He droppped me and ran so quick I barely saw him running away. I don't know if he was caught. I know I still have nightmares about being strangled, while he yelled at me saying I'm a child molester, and his horrible breath which smelled of pasta sauce.
Live to spite the bastards, there evil and you just trying to exist which is ritghteous. I wish there were more peoeple in the world who would protect instead of hurt. But that's the better world were fighting for I guess.
is this a Tyler James Robinson appreciation post? (\s)
If I ever meet you in real life, if you feel comfy with that, go dress the way you want, even if that doesn't "seem" to pass -- and then I'm going to go with you and tell whoever is a misogynist and transphobe outta the way. Come and seek out clothes, enjoy nature, and life.
I might not be Lean Beef Patty, but I certainly aim to fuck up a hater's day by the sheer spite of my existence :3