In my experience, dysphoric thoughts can be contagious in a way, a particular, dysphoric way of seeing can transmit to other dysphoric trans people who may have not have considered that way of seeing.
(I am of course not implying gender dysphoria is contagious, just that my experiences with dysphoria have in the past caused other dysphoric people to have worse dysphoria.)
So as a precaution, I'll put my cognitohazard dysphoria thoughts behind a spoiler.
dysphoric thoughts
Since vaginoplasty, my bottom dysphoria has been vastly improved - but I continue to feel remarkable "sameness" in my genitals, and that continues to be unsettling.
Even this week, twice when aroused my clit felt engorged, which I experienced as being erect, just as I was pre-op. Each time it creates a rising, panicky fear that I actually am erect down there, that I still have a penis.
Other times my labia can feel like a scrotum - they can kind of sag sometimes and look and feel like a scrotum (because that's what they are made of), and that can be unsettling, too. I used to have the worst feeling when I could feel my scrotum slap against my thigh, and sometimes my labia can almost reproduce that same "loose" feeling down below that I dread.
These feelings have improved somewhat over time, and it's only been three months since my surgery, so it's still recent-ish. I don't know how long these dysphoric feelings will continue, but I assume they will get better.
I guess I'm looking for reassurance, or at least someone else who has had similar experiences to chime in on theirs.
