poppichew

I legit was thinking "I'd date him, but I wouldn't marry him" kind of mindsets. Which I have run into, and have never loved. But I am love-bug by trade, and I pass-a-fist on it.

Cause they don't. You can go to the most liberal spaces in America and sure you'll have some folks be chill. Some folks be crazy pandering. But nothing is worse than seeing "normal ass" every day joe-schmoey ass people flashing an involuntary look of disgust when realizing they're looking at a trans person. That's not something they're out here doing to intentionally hurt people, it's just their biases shining through. It's kinda like people clutching their purses near black folks or something, idk. I don't care how kind people want to be, because honestly transgender people got it rough. I've had this talk in the past, and yeah you can be straight being trans - and be in a straight relationship - but most times unless you're out here stealthing like a bomber you're going to illicit some response from people. I said you could be any color in this WORLD, and if you're straight at least you still have that connection with a majority of people. They get you, they understand you "get" the "grand road-map of life" and that you have some sort of orderly connection to them. I think a lot of trans folks throw people off of that. I don't even think it's coming from a malicious place all the times. I mean for sure some of the time (Kiwi Farms). But all of the time? No. Even kids, when you confront them with something against their expected gender norms can become uncomfortable. Not all of them. But it happens.

I do think that transgender people often have a hard time accepting themselves, so like yeah of course you're gunna feel unaccepted as a whole. You can look back at how things were with gay folks and see a lot of similar issues (which to be honest still ripple through today because being a part of the majority is the easiest thing in this world I swear). Also I have heard a link between neurodivergence and gender queerity. I don't really think I need to emphasize this, but being an individual who thinks in atypical ways in a relatively black and white world is equally tough. It's easier to find support online when you're talking intersectional adversity. A lot of the internet tells you you've got cancer, the world is on fire, and you're going to die. It does not make for happy folks. Which I think can add another layer to this. Also gender dysphoria sucks. Inability to get the care you need sucks. Wondering if you're doing the right thing, or if you're just "making it all up in your head" sucks. I have seen people who've questioned their gender identity be re-routed by cis folks to ignore any sort of gender exploration. All I can think about there is I Saw the TV Glow. Either way, I can honestly say that outside of a singular trans person I have met (and really they had $$$, which I think helps a lot...but can't buy you a personality) that pretty much every other trans person I have met has lived a fairly difficult life isolated from their family. I saw it with the older gals from yesteryear growing up. I have seen it with my generation. I am thankful to not see it as much with the youth of today. But I still don't think it's all roses. So yeah, I get why people would feel this way. Because if you're trans - have brains and at least one other sense you can utilize to navigate this world you can see how vile people are to individuals who break societal gender norms.

They straight up killed people who did it where I grew up, and that's why I'm not there anymore =P!

I have some comments, but I am not mtf so I can't give you more than that.

• It is my personal belief that genitalia has very little to do with gender as I have seen time and time again that while it correlates for some, it's not always par the norm. I have loved a variety of transfolx throughout my lifetime, and when dysphoria hits it always seems to help to remember this. I can understand that it feels awful to have a disconnect between what you see in your minds eye and what you're currently trapped with. In these instances, sometimes just wearing cute clothing can help. Minimizing time around mirrors seems to help as well. I wish I had the magic key, but I don't. I just figured I would say in my own life I have found the best coping/healing comes from being kind to myself instead of burning my bits to the ground.

• As for the fetishism, I have heard it never stops. Basically regardless of what genitalia you sport, there will always be an element of queerness within your relationships. Which I suppose could be good or bad depending on how you feel about it. I will say I have heard there's far less folks knocking on your door pre/post operation but I think others can give more input on that than I can. I just figured it's worth noting, because while this is something I have heard I didn't even think about how this could transform an individuals er...suitors in such a way. I will say that there is a beauty to life in that people seem to sort of fall into one another and hopefully pending you're feeling loved and supported by said individual(s) it doesn't seem to matter much what cards you have to play. Just as long as they fit into whatever said individual(s) are down to hang with.

  • Plan for kind things to cover your recovery. I heard it's a sob to sit upright for quite some time. Perhaps figure out how to have the technology you want to access accessible via a comfortable position (laying down?). Get your setup done in advance, so you don't have to worry too much about it. Grab what you need to keep yourself clean and regular (as in, going to the bathroom - think about what you need to be able to go to the bathroom). Figure out who/what support you will need in order to sustain yourself on the road to recovery. Likewise how (remote work?) you can sustain yourself. You might have to move things around in order to get from a->b. I myself have had surgeries that have impaired me severely and just getting to the bathroom was a feat. It's partially why I mention it, but also things I have heard through the grape vine yet again.

• I know several people waiting for gender-reaffirming surgeries and you sort of just have to toss your hat into the ring and be open to not having specifics. One was told they'd be able to get an orchie in 3-5 months but they're still waiting and it's been more than that. So I suppose it's just a waiting game. I think Covid kinda messed up the time line of a lot of things. When a doctor needs time, I figured it's always better to give them it than to have someone burnt-out and prone to making mistakes. Just kinda be accepting of the wait, at least is how I have experienced it. I wish I had better advice.

Idk if any of this helps, and as previously stated I am not mtf. Just know that I mean it all in kindness. Equally I'd say finding a support network (here?) helps. If you can't find it, maybe dedicating some time to creating it could not only help you, but others as well. The world is cruel to transfolx, it's kinda crazy though, cause like...they also seem to be obsessed with them? Shrugs. Just do your best to stay safe, cultivate kindness and peace and turn off whatever you need to turn off in order to be well. Good luck, sis! You're gunna be fine either way. Just remember to be kind to yourself =)