fadingembers
I think it's just fear/anxiety. Fear of the unknown, fear you won't like how you look, fear that you'll be judged. Gender dysphoria is resolved through the elimination of the in-congruence between your self and your gender identity. My advice is: stop looking for dysphoria and start looking for what you want.
What kinds of clothes do you want to wear? What kinds of pronouns do you want to use? What kind of makeup styles would you like to try? Don't know the answer to these? Experiment! Try different things. Randomly if you have to! See what you like! Focus on how these things make you feel. You mentioned that you've already experimented with your nails. How do you like them? How do they make you feel?
FFS is not going to make you feel better and if you got it today, you'd be posting here tomorrow asking about what revisions you need. You torture yourself with self-hatred and getting FFS won't make that stop. You'll find a new way to hate yourself. What you need is therapy and antidepressants. People in this community have provided you with countless accounts of positive feedback that you can't or won't listen to, so why would you listen to their opinions now?
With that being said, you can find out what FFS would do for you from this website. Learn what procedures are used for FFS and why. Figure out which ones you would be a good candidate for. If you would like someone to check your work, take pictures as instructed from the same site and post them here with your analysis and people can provide feedback on that. Your provided picture hides the majority of your face and only provides one angle which makes it difficult to provide any honest feedback.
If you truly wish to get it, start a long term plan. Find a career you can tolerate that has the benefits you need and start working towards it. Figure out the best path to get you there. Every step you take towards your goal is that much closer to getting what you want to achieve. If you're young enough and your parents are accepting, you could get on their insurance, live at home, and start working now. One year at $10 an hour would be enough to pay any insurance's copay. Longer than that and you are well on your way to paying without insurance.
Good thing you found those that do think that like that ;)
I will admit I have a hard time believing not everyone feels this way still lol
That basically sums up my experience as well. I thought wanting to be them was a part of attraction. As it turns out, not quite
I spin my wheels sometimes too and when it happens I ask myself, "what do I want?" And that clears things up for me
Thank you Ada
If it's something you're interested in, start voice training meow! It can be super overwhelming, so the sooner you start the better. The Seattle Voice Lab channel on YouTube has really good short clips and TransVoiceLessons has really good in depth videos!
Pills do not carry a higher risk of blood clots. The elevated risk comes from having elevated levels of estradiol, which can come from any method of administration. Pills are however, harder on the liver and have less bioavailability if swallowed. This can be negated by taking pills sublingually, bypassing the liver.
https://transfemscience.org/articles/transfem-intro/