this post was submitted on 02 Nov 2025
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I’ll point out that the “Jesus and the fig tree” story is a parable. It’s made fun of a lot, but it’s a vicious lesson by someone who was very theatrical in their teaching style. The fig tree is Israel, who were expected by their god to always be in season and ready for their messiah. But when Jesus arrived, they were not in season, and so were cursed to never bear fruit again. It wasn’t an agricultural misunderstanding, it was a lesson and everything that surrounds it gives it context.
Also, in the Apocrypha, childhood Jesus turned a kid he didn't like into a tree. Quite possibly... a fig tree.
Jesus was a little asshole. It's pretty funny those works survived.
Jesus:i cast curse
DM: roll to hit
Jesus: nevermind i cast true polymorph
DM: at?
Jesus: that pesky SOB over there
DM: the eight year old?
Jesus: well now he's a fig tree.
DM: Jesus, dude...
Jesus: I cast curse on the tree