Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
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Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
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It's rough when you're in a needy phase. It may be worth reducing the number of partners so you have some energy to create a real partnership which requires more effort. I like to break relationships into components. Usually acquaintance/platonic, romantic, and sexual. Each relationship can be any combination. Acquaintanceship is just general hanging out without really caring deeply about the other person. The platonic/friendship part replaces that and tends to be the hardest because it's more about solid connection, really caring what happens to the other person, supporting them and being supported by them when things get difficult as well as enjoying the connection when things are good. This is something I've noticed most cis-men don't have with each other due to societal toxic masculinity.
Romantic is then more about individual acts of romance, planning romantic dates, making out for long periods, that kind of thing. And it requires some level of physical and/or emotional attraction usually and is about fulfilling those kinds of needs over a medium term. It is best when the types of needs of both parties align, so you're fulfilling theirs at the same time they're fulfilling yours.
And sexual is obviously more fleeting and is better with physical attraction and matching needs, but mostly is just about fulfilling very immediate needs.
Each relationship has some combination of those things. But I find that I need at least one with strong platonic connection or I get lonely. That requires energy in both directions over the longterm to work, so it's the most rare. These you really need to nurture as they are the most valuable IMHO, and easiest to lose if you take more than give. Sexual you can find easily in clubs or whatever and can be fleeting, and romantic takes a lot more to find, but tends to be easy and shorter lasting without the platonic.
So dating cis-men tends to lack the platonic part in my experience due to toxic societal norms. So although I'm pan, I also tend not to date cis-men.
I hope my fatigued writing didn't give the impression that I have 15 simultaneous partners! That would solve a lot of problems.
I get that you value platonic friendships. I suck at friends, better at sex. I don't know what I'd cleverly compare my relationship maintenance to. Either shooting myself in the foot or setting myself on fire. It tears me up that I can't have what I know I like - femboys and guys 10 years younger than me - without the understanding that it's temporary bs - don't get too close or you'll get burned. I hate this self-knowledge that seems to only come with estrogen. I might be more approachable but I don't have the energy to chase cute boys. And girls, well, if I don't top I'm ousted from the relationship. Sorry for the rant. You aren't my therapist. (I wish my therapist were trans though.)
I'm curious what kind of men you like (what few you do) assuming you like relationships on the physical side.
When I had half a dozen partners, I'd see each one of them once every six months, so I was actually getting less contact than when I was doing serial monogamy.
Curiously, when my flatmate had a boyfriend, I was having a rush and he was jealous of my busy schedule despite that it turned into a red flag for the roomie / his partner.
Sorry, I'm having trouble parsing that phrase. You had a busy schedule and that's a red flag in relationships, or the roommate's boyfriend's reaction to your busy schedule...?
I was having a rush of encounters between my girlfriends. He was jealous, and my roommate decided that might be a red flag in their relationship. It was more that he didn't know fully what he wanted and was a bit opportunistic.